How to Win a Grammy in 2011

As I listen to Drake’s debut album Thank Me Later, I finally get it. Thank Me Later is a solid debut album – it’s heavily produced, it has some catchy hooks and melodies and the lyrical content just scratches the metaphysical surface enough to entertain and intrigue musical audiences.  But it won’t confuse anyone with anything lower than a 10th grade education.

However, that still does not encapsulate the genius of the album. The real genius lies in the fact that Drake received not one, but two Grammy nominations before this album even dropped. That’s right – he received two nominations and had only dropped one big mixtape and a random assortment of tracks before then. He had no hit singles, no classics under his belt, had not been around the scene for more than a couple years and received two nominations. And now as I listen to Thank Me Later, the gears are turning and certain information is coming to light.

The 2010 Grammys already passed, but that’s irrelevant, they choose next year’s winners by the end of the summer anyway. But don’t fret, there’s still time – I’m going to tell you, the readers, to look towards the future and learn how to win a Grammy nomination for 2011. Don’t worry about utilizing just Drake’s formula, anyone can do it and I will explain.

How To Get a Grammy Nomination in 2011


Do not create anything aside from pop music – Pop artists always receive Grammy nominations and awards and honestly if you’re not creating pop records, who cares? Those prog-rock and heavy metal guys have been creating music for decades and expanding their genres by experimenting with different sounds, time signatures, instruments and styles. No one cares.

Metallica was playing metal shows worldwide for years and when they were nominated in the best metal record category in 1989, who won? A non metal band. Pop group Milli Vanilli won and they didn’t even sing  on their record. No work or stress involved – do not create anything aside from pop music.

Watch your age – If you are younger than 30, you will need to create pop music, have a team of professional A&R guys and in general it’s good to be spotted with some kind of famous arm candy before you’re nominated. The A&R guys are a must have- you need these people because they will astroturf your musical resume ie claim you have street credit and worked the small clubs and house parties for years even though your rich uncle is really their boss.

If you’re older than 60, you will not be nominated unless you are Fleetwood Mac, the Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, or Bob Dylan. If you are not one of these people, you might want to skip the rest of this article.

*Ages 30-60 are not considered by the Academy unless they produce music in a genre that no one listens to.

Have money, lots of it – If you don’t have money, you won’t be nominated, I’m sorry. However, if you’re a rapper, you can always claim you came from a hard hood and made yourself from the ground up. Nonetheless, you still won’t be nominated unless you abandon gutter rap records for glitzy pop material and already have money.

Be named Drake – It worked for him, it may work for you

Flash a boob – The good thing about flashing a boob is that it doesn’t actually require making music, you will get a nomination and you will also receive publicity in a variety of entertainment outlets. Plus it’s free.

Get the most renowned producers to produce your big hit single – So you just got through writing an amazing, innovative and new record on a low budget. You might be an artist signed to a small indie label or even unsigned. Your content does not matter – you need a big name attached to your project. This means you will need Timbaland, Will.I.Am, Rick Rubin, or Swiss Beatz, etc.

You probably won’t be able to afford their services for an entire album, but that’s okay. Don’t focus on releasing an album full of mind-blowing material, just come out with that one catchy hit single and be sure to list their name everywhere. You get brownie points if this famous producer is in your video.

SELL THE MOST RECORDS – This is VERY important and mandatory to be nominated and ultimately win – actually it’s so important I’m listing it twice

SELL THE MOST RECORDS

Quit music and start acting – If you followed the steps listed above, you’re probably already in the high ranking for a Grammy nomination and/or have already won the award. At this particular juncture, it is wisest to quit music and start acting.

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One response to “How to Win a Grammy in 2011

  1. Pingback: FAREWELL | Shot From Guns

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